Public Restrooms

The following thought is not new to me...in fact, it is something that I often wonder about (in my head, not necessarily out loud), but lately it has really been bothering me.

My new obsession with public restrooms began with a recent shopping trip to a mall Department Store.  We all know how this scenario goes: you have to pee really, really bad, and of course, no matter where you choose to go, it's going to be nasty.  (Sidenote: never choose the Food Court bathroom).  So anyway, I'm shopping for bathing suits in said Department Store and enter the restroom.  I'm repulsed as soon as I open the door.  I fight back the urge to gag while trying to hold my breath to protect my nasal passage from inhaling the dreaded smell of human excrement and overwhelming cheap "air freshener".  The toilet behind door #1 is a no go...stopped up (of course) and almost out of toilet paper.  Doors 2-4 are closed and locked.  This leaves me with door #5.  Oh yes, the handicapped stall.

I open the door and enter the stall.  I check to make sure that there is enough toilet paper (definitely have learned my lesson to always do this as I'm not a fan of drip-drying).  I check the toilet seat-clean enough.  But then, something catches my eye.  At the far back end of the toilet seat, and all along the handle and section of wall behind the toilet there is the unmistakable remnant of someones inability to control their bowels in a humanly fashion.  Yes, the toilet seat and wall "art" are dark brown and in the fashion of an abstract painting-splatters everywhere.  As I carefully squat over the front part of the toilet seat to pee, I can't help but say out loud to the person shopping with me, "Seriously, who bends forward and poops?  I mean, really, there is crap all over the wall in here.  Do they do this at home?"  I hear laughter.  It's not from the person I'm with, but from another lady in the restroom washing her hands.  See, I know that I'm not the only person that wonders this.  And then I say out loud again, "I'd really like to just spend one day in a restroom like this and keep track of who comes in and check the stalls after they leave to get a better idea of what kind of woman does this."  Let me tell you all right now, if I didn't think that someone would report me to store security for being a Creeper, I really would spend a Sunday afternoon keeping a journal of this for scientific purposes...but alas, that just wouldn't be considered normal.

So, I guess that makes me weird.  I'm serious though...you'd have to be bent straight over at a ninety degree angle with some serious bowel force to make wall art like what I saw that day.  Just something (gross) to think about.

On the flip side, some places you can always count on to have clean restrooms:  QuikTrip, RaceTrac, most Publix grocery stores, and your mom's house.

Until next time,
Freeway Fairington